Steps 8 and 9 of AA allow you to move out of the shame of addiction, which only fuels the cycle of substance abuse. When you commit yourself to repairing relationships, you strengthen and reinforce healthy, long-term recovery. An important element of step nine is that those in recovery have already begun making amends to themselves by changing some of their behaviors, attitudes, and beliefs. The goal of this step is to find freedom by cleaning up the past to live peacefully in the present.
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„I was engaged two times before I met my husband, Paul,“ she said. Keeping in mind the “why” behind this important step can help provide the motivation to follow through. More than just “saying sorry,” making amends demonstrates positive change. To demonstrate your amends, you would show how you have changed your behavior by being present for your spouse or child, keeping any promises you make, and showing them you can be reliable.
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While this step involves a direct exchange with another person, its goal has everything to do with healing and addiction recovery on the part of the person making the amends. A primary mental health, substance use, and process addiction center offering a continuum of care and holistic healing in the Sonoran Desert for 35 years. You can suggest ways in which you can repair the relationship by preparing ideas beforehand. It will take time, effort, and trust on their end, but hopefully your amends will help to restore faith and goodwill in you. You can try to schedule quality time with the person and get to asking them about what ways your actions impacted them and if there are any possible actions you can take to help make their situation better.
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Those in recovery are encouraged to keep an ongoing ninth step in their life by continuing to pay off debts and refraining from lying, stealing, or cheating. The ninth step is very action-oriented and provides a sense of relief. Although step nine can be difficult, participants should remember that if it were easy, everyone would be doing it. It takes willingness and courage to reflect on and find a resolution to your mistakes.
It’s not enough to say to someone that you apologize and feel badly for how you acted in the past. It takes a certain maturity and level of respect for yourself and the person you’re hoping to reconnect with to get past any past issues. For every time you said you’d be there or that you’d help someone do something and didn’t show up, you’ve left an impression upon that person that they can’t rely on you to keep your word.
- Many recovering alcoholics have relapsed when they allowed their fears to block them from completing step nine.
- Are you taking the step to clear your conscience at the expense of another person?
- That is, you can’t push it to the side or avoid it because of embarrassment.
- Living amends are a holistic approach to amends that are a great way to show the world and the people you hurt that you have changed for the better.
- While I did these things in active addiction, that does not take away from how wrong they were, and the pain and sense of betrayal you must have felt as a result of my actions.
- You need to work to reestablish trust, to show you’re sincere in your desire to rebuild the relationship, and then to prove to them that they can trust and count on you each and every day.
For example, your behavior may have caused severe damage that is not repairable. Or, the person you need to make amends to may not be around anymore. An indirect amend focuses less on immediately righting a wrong. Instead, indirect amends require that you commit to a new lifestyle and behavior living amends moving forward to show that you have changed for the better. A key difference when striving to make amends and gain the forgiveness of family and friends is that it’s a never-ending process. You need to follow the same steps you would with an acquaintance, but then take it even further.
The important piece is the knowledge that you have done what you can to repair the pain you have caused, and that you have taken responsibility for your actions. The insight that you gain through the recovery process and the changes you make to move towards a stable, sober life fortify you and increase your ability to live with integrity and grace. Indirect amends are made when you attempt to build back goodwill due to an action that cannot be repaired or reversed by your actions. In some instances, the person you hurt may not be willing to accept your apology or it could be impossible to undo the damage you caused.
Addiction Recovery: Taking Responsibility and Making Amends Sheriff – Fairfax County (.gov)
Addiction Recovery: Taking Responsibility and Making Amends Sheriff.
Posted: Thu, 21 May 2020 07:00:00 GMT [source]
What Is a Direct Amend?
Don’t expect immediate forgiveness, and also, don’t pressure yourself to fix every broken relationship immediately. If you promised your father to help him mow the lawn on Sundays, but years have passed, and you’ve never once shown up, start now. If you promised your son or daughter to be there to see them off to college, clean yourself up and show up. You don’t have to be the best son or daughter, and you don’t need to be an ideal parent, but you need to show up when you make promises to do so. It’s not one we use too frequently in our everyday language, but it still holds significant meaning.